instead

I meant to hike

For the first time in awhile

But took the wrong trail.

It was beautiful anyway

I wanted to cry because you were gone

And could not fix the TV

I cried because I missed you

For your confidence in me

Instead

I wanted to learn gratitude

To be here

To be present

Instead

I learned it after you left

I meant to start this hike earlier

Before the heat hit

And tread lightly

It was 10 am

And I walked loudly

But I scared a red tail hawk

And a man thanked me for it

You are the miracle in my day today he says, thank you

I tried to be resilient

Drawing on all those times before

It came in the letters and boxes

Of Brazilian chocolates and cookies and coloring books

I said I always hated roses

Then the ones from a friend came

And I was in awe of their beauty

The path not taken is blocked

No back tracking

We are here

Breathing

Scaring hawks

And seeing their beauty.